Entire World to Pauly Shore: Just Stop

Actor Pauly Shore, the star of such films as Encino Man and Son-In-Law, is making a last-ditch effort to restart his career with the new TBS series Minding the Store. Unfortunately for Shore, the reviews are less than stellar.

In a brief letter addressed to him from The Entire World, it was revealed that he should "just stop."

"Encino Man was okay, but you're old and bald now," the letter went on to say. "And talk about unfunny! For the love of God, please cut your losses and gracefully step aside."

When reached for comment, Shore seemed disoriented and muttered only, "Buuuudy..."

Area Deadbeat Gets Evicted, Uses Camera Phone to Demand Return of Bedroom Set

Late this afternoon, an unnamed local deadbeat returned to her former residence for the first time in more than a week and was incensed to find the locks changed and an eviction notice posted on the front door. She then used her cellular phone to call building management to demand access to the apartment in order to retrieve her furniture, much of which had already been removed from the premesis.

"I've got an entire fucking bedroom set in there! This is illegal!" she was heard to shreik. The young deadbeat sped off in a late-model Toyota Echo shortly after the brief call.

Earlier in the day, neighbours witnessed maintenence staff removing several truckloads of items from the newly vacant apartment, including a couch, two mattresses, two desktop computers, and a trash bag full of UGG boots and American Eagle flip-flops. In every colour of the rainbow.

Notice of Format Change

Seeing as I'm not doing anything with this space at all as of late, I figured I may as well start doing fake news rather than no news. I'll update with fake news stories a-la The Onion several times a day, once a day, once a week, or whenenver I feel like it.